TheSweenMachine's Xanga

Monday, May 19, 2008

Mon, 19 May 2008 02:42:35 GMT

Celebrities That I Confuse (#6):

MATTHEW McCONAUGHEY

In what turned out to be one of
Matt's only roles that I like,
Denton Van Zan also
counts as one of my favorite
movie characters of all time.
Reign of Fire may not be a
great movie, but it has dragons
and Christian Bale... And
speaking of Batman, Matt here
is rumored to play Captain
America, who really doesn't
need a gratuitous shirtless scene.

WOODY HARRELSON

I take one look at Woody's
signature smirk, and it reminds
me of how much less of an ass
he probably is than McConaughey.
I mean, compare their expressions
at the top... Funny thing, though-
While looking up pics, I discovered
that they're actually really good friends...

PUT A SHIRT ON, DAMMIT!

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Wed, 07 May 2008 19:35:14 GMT

Celebrities That I Confuse (#5):

MARIA BELLO

I know her most for playing the
unobtainable girl that the nerd
somehow obtains (AKA "my own
unobtainable dream"). This was likely
William H. Macy's dream come true
when he got sexed up as the titular
character in Wayne Kramer's
underrated The Cooler. And speaking
of titular, we get to see Maria's "Bellos"
in an awkward sex scene in Cronenberg's
A History of Violence.

VERA FARMIGA

Speaking of director Wayne Kramer,
this cutie was in the even-more
underrated Running Scared (if you
have not seen this, rent it NOW). Now,
typically this girl wouldn't really make
me look twice, but damn is she sexy
in her roles. In The Departed, after
realizing that you never try to understand
the mind of an Irishman, this "shrink c*nt"
was swooned by the incredibly badass
Billy Costigan (Leonardo DiCaprio).

....................

Girls, girls, girls...
Whew, time for a cold shower.

Sunday, May 04, 2008

Sun, 04 May 2008 12:43:50 GMT

THE DARK KNIGHT TRAILER!

"The night is darkest just before the dawn...
I promise you, the dawn is coming!"

"You either die a hero, or you live long
enough to see yourself become the villain."

Monday, April 28, 2008

Mon, 28 Apr 2008 18:01:43 GMT

Watch this site for a possible surprise tonight.

((UPDATE)) Make that Sunday night... *sigh*

In the meantime, shoot the shi- I mean, ducks.

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Sat, 26 Apr 2008 04:07:45 GMT

Celebrities That I Confuse (#4):

JASON BATEMAN

Although it's now much harder for me
to mistake Jason Bateman (as he has
made quite a name for himself), I think my
early confusion was driven by the fact
that these guys both had parallel, popular,
yet ill-fated shows on FOX. Jason was
on Arrested Development. He played
Michael Bluth, the guy who only made
pop-pop with four women in his life.

NATHAN FILLION

The lead actor on the overrated Firefly,
I don't know if Nathan did anything
else besides the fun B-movie, Slither.
Speaking of Firefly, I even had Jason
and Nate confused with another cast
member from the show...

ALAN TUDYK

Looking now, I don't know what the
hell I was thinking... Looks more like
Lance Bass mixed with that redhead
from Salute Your Shorts and
Terminator 2.... Oh well, my confusion
probably just came from the fact that
I never watched Firefly (overrated,
remember?).

P.S. Alan was also on an episode of
Arrested Development (coincidence?).
And how about that Adam Baldwin?

Firefly = overrated confusion**

So there you have it- My most roundabout CTIC column.
Be prepared for more of these, as I already have
a couple more actors and actresses lined up!

**A girl that I currently dislike loves Firefly.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Thu, 24 Apr 2008 03:00:37 GMT

As stated on slashfilm.com (my new fave),
Entertainment Weekly has made a prediction of the
profit that movies will make this summer.

1. Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (355.9 million)
2. The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian (310.8 million)
3. Hancock (280.4 million)
4. Wall-E (280.3 million)
5. Iron Man (267.7 million)
6. The Dark Knight (255.0 million)
7. Kung-Fu Panda (244.6 million)
8. The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor (176.5 million)
9. The Incredible Hulk (147.2 million)
10. Tropic Thunder (146.6 million)

I highly disagree.

Although I've been way off before (and probably will again),
I present a rearrangement of said list...

1. Wall-E (355.9 million)
2. Iron Man (310.8 million)
3. Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (280.4 million)
4. The Dark Knight (280.3 million)
5. The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian (267.7 million)
6. Kung-Fu Panda (255.0 million)
7. The Incredible Hulk (244.6 million)
8. Hancock(176.5 million)
9. Tropic Thunder (147.2 million)
10. The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor (146.6 million)

Keep in mind that I'm only using
the 10 movies that EW listed ('cause I'm lazy).

I don't think I'm being too biased, btw.

P.S. Top 10 movies I want to see in theaters this summer:

1. The Dark Knight
2. Iron Man
3. Speed Racer
4. Indiana Jones
5. The Incredible Hulk
6. Wall-E
7. Hellboy 2
8. Step Brothers
9. The Mummy 3
10. The Happening

Friday, April 18, 2008

Fri, 18 Apr 2008 04:08:44 GMT

JUNO

As a Movie:

To Me:

BALSEROS

As a Movie:

To Me:

DEATH SENTENCE

As a Movie:

To Me:

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Wed, 16 Apr 2008 22:13:20 GMT

Great show... Binary solo!
0010011001110000011100111110000...

""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""

This sweet, stylized poster of John Carpenter's
THE THING was limited to only 100 copies
(I snagged it before the price went up).
I'm so happy I found the link... This may
be my favorite horror movie of all-time.

(click image for MEGA ZOOM FUN TIME)

Monday, April 14, 2008

Mon, 14 Apr 2008 21:35:18 GMT

Celebrities That I Confuse (#3):

REESE WITHERSPOON

In my search for similar photos,
it was hard to find a shot of Reese
without accent on that unique chin.
I must say, though- She certainly does
resemble our good friend, Abbysaur.
Although I can't think of a single movie
from Ms. Flourishfork that I like,
I'll put my PB in her chocolate any day.
Wow, that sounded horrible.

KIRSTEN DUNST

Right off the heels of Tobey Maguire's
near Spider-Replacement, we have Ms.
Mary-Jane Watson. Rather than having to
distinguish from Reese's Pieces, I probably
had more trouble learning that this actress'
name wasn't "Kristen" (almost as bad as
remembering "Laura/Lauren"). In any event,
speaking of similarities to people I know,
I came across several photos of Kirsten that
reminded me of my older sister. You can
imagine the horror of discovering that the
first image of Dunst on Google is topless.

...................

This was a tricky comparison (or contrastison??)
being that I rarely mistake these girls in their roles.

I think it just has something to do with their popularity,
or the similar shape of their heads... or the fact that I
hear that they're both ridiculous bitches.

Nothing personal, Abby or Megan :)

Friday, April 11, 2008

Fri, 11 Apr 2008 00:28:25 GMT

MILK IN THE LAND:
BALLAD OF AN AMERICAN DRINK

As a Movie:

To Me:

"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""

THERE WILL BE BLOOD

As a Movie:

To Me: